i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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