his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
