I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm eating all of the evidence.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
