You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
