god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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