My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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