We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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