my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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