They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize