I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
