I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Did I show you my penis last night?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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