pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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