couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
