Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize