Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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