matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
