Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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