Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
