dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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