i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize