Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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