Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
