Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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