She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Terrible idea I love it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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