I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
