I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have aggressive nipples.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
