pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
