Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
