I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
