Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
