OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
