Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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