Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
