My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
