I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
