Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
