Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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