I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
