If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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