now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
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