I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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