he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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