8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize