i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
