Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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