party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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