you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize