That's when you crack a 10am beer
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you had me at cake vodka
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
