First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
