you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
