Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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