You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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