maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
