hotel room ftw
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You can't motorboat a personality
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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