Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
