do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
