Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize