I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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