so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
