i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
