I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you had me at cake vodka
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
