You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
