this boner is exhausting
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
