tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
