nut hugger
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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