Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
