Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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