see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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