i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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